How to annoy the Warriors cats
by Mudstripe
Summary: DISCONTINUED
1. First cat up! Firestar!

**Hey everyone! Yeah, since this isn't an anime one (I know a lot of you must be going, "Thank God, she reads books."), NO JAPANESE REFRENCES! So yeah.**

**I wanted to do this, because, I was inspired to. There was another one I read before, 15 ways to annoy warriors, that I absolutely loved. And I know it took me a while, but I finally got this up.**

**I don't care if the first few suck, that's how much fan fictions go. I did this because I love warriors.**

**If any one of you say I'm being mean to Firestar, I will destroy all of your computers with a virus! FIRESTAR MUST DIE! MWHAHAHA! Okay, don't judge me because of that. I have my reasons.**

**You, yes you, the readers, can choose who I give tips for. Yup, when you review, tell me who you want to go next! XP (You can choose a cat more than once).**

**Because this is easier to write than dare fan fics and regular ones, I suspect this will be updated a lot more!**

**So, first, I'll let one of my favorite cats, Mistyfoot, do the disclaimer.**

**Mistyfoot: Pica does not own the cats, except Mudstripe, and does not own Warriors. Nor is she in any way related to the three people that make up Erin Hunter.**

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**First cat up! Firestar!**

1) Constantly give him a star made out of some flammable substance, pour oil on him, and set him on fire.

2) Ask him why he kills cats

3) Ask him to prove to you that he has nine lives, over and over again

4) Ask him why he's two timing on Spottedleaf

5) Tell him that StarClan has told you to be the new leader of ThunderClan and that he will be you slave. Watch him believe you.

6) Ask him constantly what StarClan is and why we don't go to war with them (ThunderClan's been to war with practically every other clan)

7) Ask him why the leaders have "star" at the end of their names. Watch him not know

8) Repeat number 7 except why apprentices have "paw" at the end of their name. Watch him not know that either.

9) Talk to an apprentice and ask him/her the same question. Watch them know it.

10) Ask him why he never refers to Sandstorm as "Honey" or "Sweetheart" or another nickname

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**I know. That sucked, but oh well. I'm only going to do 10 at a time, so review if you want more!**

**Yes, I wish that I could do those things to Firestar…**

**That's all for this chapter. See ya!**

**Mudstripe**


	2. Leafpool's up next!

**Here's another chapter of How to Annoy the Warriors cats (bet you never thought I'd update, huh?)**

**First, the disclaimer.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, I'm planning to buy it and all the cats from Erin Hunter.**_

**Chapter 2 – Leafpool**

1) Ask her if Jaypaw is her son.

2) If she says no, starts blurting all of the reasons you think Jaypaw _is_ her son (because I know you're all obsessed with Warriors, or else you wouldn't be reading this). Also include the reason that Jaypaw looks a LOT like Crowfeather.

3) Draw a picture of a leaf on a pool and say it looks exactly like her.

4) Ask her how many secret boyfriends she's actually HAD.

5) After that, ask her if she truly wants to remain a medicine cat, but phrase it like, "Can you even live with yourself anymore?!"

6) Ask her is she and Squirrleflight ever had a grudge.

7) If she says no, ask her why Squirrleflight was called SquirrleFLIGHT.

8) Right in the middle of her answer, yell at her and scream, "YOU SO HAD A GRUDGE!" and run away.

9) Continue 6-8 over and over and over again.

10) Knock her unconscious, cover her in leaves, and throw her into a pool.

11) Tell her you want to become a medicine cat and make her list every single type of herb and its uses. Then, tell her you didn't catch everything and to go back to the start. Repeat.

**I added an extra one. I'm going to update as soon as the next review is put in. **

**Mudstripe**


	3. Jaypaw!

**I just really feel like updating. I'm sorry guys that I haven't posted any more chapters in a while, but it's because I don't know which cat to do! Please review more! DX**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. It's owned by the 3 persons that make up the divine Erin Hunter!**_

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**Jaypaw**

1) Tell him that he and Brightheart would make such a cute couple! (Who really does that kind of writing?! BrightheartXJaypaw!)

2) Buy him lots of perfumes to ruin his sense of smell, put ear plugs in his ears, and place him on top of the cliff leading into ThunderClan camp.

3) Ask him if blue jays have paws.

4) Continuously tell him that he's Leafpool's and Crowfeather's son. Watch him start to believe it after a while.

5) Tell him to play Marco Polo with you

6) Put together the most beautiful she-cats in the entire forest and ask him to pick which one is prettier.

7) Do number 6 but with the ugliest she-cats

8) Bring him to anger management classes

9) Buy him a seeing eye dog

10) Sick said seeing eye dog on him

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**That's it for this chapter. Seriously, if you want me to write another one, REVIEW!!**

**Mudstripe**


	4. Hollypaw!

**Hey there everyone! Mudstripe's back! Oh, and those of you who subscribed to this story and are wondering why you got another e-mail about the Jaypaw chapter, I had to delete it and post it back up. Anyway, because no one really is reviewing about the cats they want to go up next, I went through all of the reviews and picked one. So here's the newest chapter!!**

**I would like to thank QuietRiver, for helping me write this chapter. THANK YOU KIRROKO-CHAN!!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. If I did, there would be a PwnedClan. XP**_

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**Hollypaw**

1) Ask her if holly bushes have paws

2) Constantly tell her that she didn't have the requirements for being a medicine cat anyway

3) When she asks what the requirements are, tell her she needs to have kits with another cat (Yellowfang will be annoyed too), have an over-reliance on StarClan, or not believe in StarClan at all.

4) Ask her if being the granddaughter of a kittypet influenced her first choice of being a medicine cat

5) Constantly tell her that her brothers are surrounded by she-cats who want to be their mates and she can't even get another guy to talk to her.

6) Ask her if it's possible dark brown male and a dark ginger she-cat to have a black kit. Then ask her if it's possible for a dark grey tom and a brown tabby she-cat to have a black kit.

7) Continuously ask her to stop stalking her brothers

8) Ask her why her mother named her brothers after animals and her after a bush.

9) Dump a bunch of holly berries all over her until only her paws can be seen

10) Continuously tell her that you are going out with both of her brothers. Watch her break a limb running back and forth trying to find them and asking them if it's true.

11) Ask her why she's one of the only cats in the alliances page that doesn't have details on her eye color

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**I know this one wasn't really that funny, but I couldn't really think of ways to annoy Hollypaw that haven't already been listed in the actual books. Erin Hunter(s) really loves tormenting her, doesn't she?**

**Important Author Note: PEOPLE! WHEN YOU REVIEW, PLEASE ADD THE NAME OF THE CAT THAT YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT NEXT!!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Mudstripe**


	5. Sandstorm!

**Hi people! I know I'm starting to update A LOT (Thank school, I am sooooooo bored!). **

**I've got a four-way tie for cats, so I just decided to pick one. This chapter is all about Sandstorm.**

**Here's the disclaimer:**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. If I did, it would be based off reality and I would have my own cat army.**_

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**Sandstorm**

1) Ask her if her parents or mentor were considering her temper when naming her

2) Ask her if she likes being in a love triangle

3) Tell her that her family has a history of secret lovers and affairs, so the new generation shouldn't be any different.

4) Give her free airplane tickets to a deserted town in the middle of the Sahara (A/N: Don't ask me why there would be a running airport.)

5) Constantly tell her that she should have went for Dustpelt when she had the chance

6) Ask her which government party is "pro-kittypet"

7) Constantly ask her how old she is and how she can start as an apprentice and not end up an elder after 17 books.

8) After everything she says, say, "Yes, old lady."

9) Ask her why she isn't worried that her son-in-law might try to kill her husband for power.

10) Ask her if she's had any secret lovers or affairs, because it runs in her blood apparently.

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**I really just wanted to focus on Sandstorm being in a family of secret lovers and cheaters, and the fact that her mate is a kittypet.**

**Please review!**

**Mudstripe**


	6. Lionpaw!

**Hey everyone! I'm back! Well, I'm sorry I've been gone for… how long? Well, that doesn't matter. I've just been caught up with school, trying to beat Kingdom Hearts all over again, trying to be Tales of Symphonia 1 and 2 all over again, and a WHOLE bunch of reading.**

**Anyway, I have very sad news. I have quit the Warriors series –sob-. Yes, I know it's very sad. I can't keep up with the story anymore! But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on this fan fiction! I'm just going to write about all the cats I know from the original series all the way up to Dark River (that's where I stopped reading).**

**Anyway, here's a random chappie I decided to upload in case any of you thought I was dead! Disclaimer time!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, nor do I own Lionpaw. I'm more of a werewolf person! (JACOB BLACK IS MINE!)_

**

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**Lionpaw**

1) Tell him that you found this cool tunnel connecting the ThunderClan and WindClan territories, then blow it up with TNT

2) Tell him to read Romeo and Juliet. Then read the ending to him.

3) Dress up like Heatherpaw and break up with Lionpaw.

4) Sell him on eBay.

5) Call animal control every time he leaves the camp.

6) Buy an alarm system that goes off every time he tries to leave the camp.

7) Pay Hollypaw to keep pestering Lionpaw about sneaking out.

8) Whenever he secretly meets with Heatherpaw, start playing "Can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King.

9) Call him Simba.

10) Dress up as Rafiki and paint the walls of the camp with random drawings. Tell the whole camp that it's to celebrate Lionpaw's birth.

11) Call Brambleclaw Mufasa (just because I want to see it happen! XP)

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**And there you have it. I have some random chapters that I haven't uploaded for this story and I'm probably going to upload them soon.**

**~Mudstripe~**


	7. Blackstar!

**Hey there welcome to another chapter of How to Annoy the Warriors Cats. I'm sorry if anything in my story offends people! I didn't mean it! First the disclaimer.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, nor do I own the cats. They just come to me (holds bowl full of Meow Mix and milk.)

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**Blackstar**

1) Ask him if he's African.

2) If he says no, ask him why he's Blackstar.

3) If he tells you about his description on the ALLIGANCES page, tell him his name should be Whitestar or Blackpaw (That always bothered me.)

4) Let ThunderClan, RiverClan, and WindClan kits into his den with a can of spray paint and watch all hell break loose.

5) Tell him Russetfur secretly likes him and watch him ask her out.

6) Ask him why he doesn't have a mate even though he's been ShadwClan leaeder for 10 books now. (A/N: I just wanted to say something right here. One, how can he not attract some shallow ShadowClan she-cat with that power?! And two, why is Firestar the only leader with a mate?)

7) Tell him that she-cats find fat toms attractive.

8) Buy him black nail polish (random thought).

9) Get him to tatto his fur all over, that way he'd look more like a **BLACK**star

10) TEACH HIM CARAMELLDANSEN!!! (Again, another random thought.) (Oh, and watch him burn off all those calories from tip 7!!!)

11) Paint black stars on his fur.

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**I don't know if this one was really funny though. Please review!!!**

**~Mudstripe~**


	8. Brightheart!

**Here's another chapter of How to Annoy the Warriors Cats. If you don't like what I write or are offended in some way (just saying 'cuz some people are), I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend anyone! The disclaimer, and then the actual chapter!!! (Seriously, why are you still reading this junk? You must be really bored.)**

_**WARNING: CONTAINS A LOT OF BRIGHTHEART BASHING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
**_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. Nor do I wish I did. I'll take the rights to Kingdom Hearts though! XP**  


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**Brightheart**

1) Constantly ask her how her face got horribly distorted

2) Laugh at her horribly distorted face

3) Ask her if she knows that Cloudtail's been cheating on her at least once.

4) Ask her how many times she's cheated on Cloudtail and with whom

5) Continuously ask her how she can be a full warrior with a hideously scarred face and only one working eye and ear.

6) Tell her that she's more fit to be a medicine cat that a Warrior.

7) Tell her that she's a failure at many things, including failing to teach Jaypaw to become a warrior.

8) Make Cloudtail choose between Brightheart and Daisy with both she-cats present. Watch him pick Daisy.

9) Two words – Cat fight.

10) Question her on how she knows if her heart is bright and why.

11) Demand to know how her name went from Brightpaw to Lostface and then to Brightheart when most cat's names stay mainly the same throughout their lives. Tell her that it's not fair and that she should be able to change your name.

12) Call her "Two-Face"

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**Lol I just got the last one from watching Batman: The Dark Knight. I'm going to post the next one up soon.  
**

**~Mudstripe~**


	9. Spottedleaf!

**Here's a new chapter of How to Annoy the Warriors Cats! First, the Disclaimer!!!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any of the cats… they just have debts to repay…

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**Spottedleaf**

1) Pester her with questions on her relationship with Firestar.

2) Ask her why she still loves Firestar when she's already dead.

3) Ask her what she thinks about Sandstorm.

4) Also, interrupt every-so-often with a FirestarXSanstorm story.

5) Tell her that her parents must have been messed up because she looks nothing like a spotted leaf.

6) Ask her if she has some plan to win Firestar back by using his kids and grandkids, because that's the only logical reason for her getting so close to them.

7) Bring her a spotted leaf (probably something poisonous)

8) Pretend to be sick and when she can't help you, call her a failure as a medicine cat.

9) Ask her if her corpse is still there when she appears in spirit. No matter what she says, dig it up to make sure.

10) If she ever appears to you in broad daylight (like what happened during the fox incident), scream, "OMG A GHOST!!!" and run away.

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**That's it! Please review!  
**

**~Mudstripe~**


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